Table of Contents for
Der Reggeboge
Freindschaft
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Joseph Stalnaker
Other Sheep
Missioner to the
Pennsylvania German
community
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Der Reggeboge Freindschaft
The Rainbow Fellowship is an independent ministry in fellowship with Other Sheep


Honesty was one of the first principles I was taught as a child. My parents tried to instill in me from a very
early age that it was of the utmost importance for me to be honest at all times, especially with them.

As I grew up and discovered more about right and wrong, new challenges faced me everyday concerning
honesty.  My Christian parents taught me from infancy the reality of the Creator God, the literal importance
of His Word, and the necessity of all people to obey Jesus Christ. Being reared in a conservative
Fundamental Baptist preacher’s home, and learning to live according to the rigors of the religious Right’s
code of conduct, I soon learned there were certain things I could not be honest about if I wished to be
included and respected by my family and church.  As with any organized society, individualistic
characteristics contrary to that society’s acceptable norms are not tolerated.

After serving as an Assistant Pastor at my father’s Baptist church in Ohio and preparing to be a missionary
to Scotland, I resigned all that and moved with my wife and two children to Pennsylvania to join with the plain
living Old German Baptist Brethren church, becoming a member and living amongst them for seven years.  

Two more children were born while I was with the Brethren.

This move had been born out of my own spiritual experience in my later teen years, as I had been drawn to
develop a personal relationship with Christ. The principles I had been taught as a child, grew and
blossomed into my understanding, causing me to be challenged about the current status quo amongst the
Baptists.

Through many unique circumstances and providential encounters, I was introduced to the concepts of Old
Order Christianity and exposed to a reality of religious practice that I had never known before.
Meeting with and befriending many Conservative Mennonites, Beachy Amish, and Old Order Amish people
helped me to see a more practical living application of Jesus’ teachings for my life in contrast to the
emphasis I had always known as a Baptist.  Personal study led me to research church history in depth,
exposing me to the recorded teachings and practices of the Early Christians, the later persecuted European
groups and ultimately to the Anabaptist and Quaker concepts of my forefathers.


     


My friendships with these plain people introduced the concept that the New Testament should be
understood from the perspective of Jesus’ teachings interpreting what the Apostles wrote, rather than the
other way around.  Simplicity of life, Truth in speech, Integrity  and  Consistency of living became important
ingredients for me to be walking in the footsteps of Jesus.

Amongst the Old German Baptist Brethren was the first place I experienced what I believed was the level of
love and trust necessary to become completely honest with myself and others about who and what I really
was. My understanding of Christianity had culminated in the expression of the self-denying, non-conformist
lifestyle of Old Order Christianity and the communal relationships developed within it.

Into this trust I delivered myself, only to realize too late the mistaken impression I had been under.
The Order was actually the acceptable status quo of the local congregation regardless of what scripture or
historical record would say otherwise.

I discovered this fact only after having been admitted into the inner framework of their society.  The
continued struggle with my inner physical self and efforts to conform my outer spiritual life’s expression were
still very real.  My life seemed out of balance with me vacillating  between actions that promoted one
concept or the other.  The Elders of the Church saw this inconsistency and applied pressure on my life and
family to deal with the issue.

At the age of 35, I put a stop to the dishonesty for myself and others and became openly honest about who
and what I really was, sharing personally in confidence with one of my ministering Brethren and then with my
wife.

I was soon excommunicated from the Brethren and subsequently separated from my wife and children, and
this involved a total change in livelihood and lifestyle.  My employment had been in the plain world amongst
Amish and Mennonite craftsmen making solid wood dining chairs.  I wore plain clothes, had a full beard and
hat, shopped in plain stores, socialized with plain people, and considered that community home.
Now I was forced to choose between increased honesty about my inner physicality and the outer spiritual
expression of the plain life I had come to embrace.

It became impossible to live wholly myself and honestly continue in the Old German Baptist Brethren Church.
Though this was a very dark time of rejection and introspection in my life, I believed that God understood
the spiritual part of my life, and that if I was honest about my whole self, He would work out the details
regarding my spiritual belief and practice.




Expressing honestly who I was and what I was brought me around to recognizing myself as a man interested
in having a relationship with another man.  I knew and acknowledged that I truly desired being in the
company of a man both physically and spiritually, rather than with a woman.

The concept of being ‘GAY‘, having been something I was always taught was horrible and ungodly, was
difficult for me to understand at first.  Part of me wanted to resist the label and part of me wanted to reach
out for something to identify with.  I began to seek out ‘GAY’ things, people, places, activities, support, etc.

Somehow, there was new found strength and focus once I admitted that my physical attraction to the same
gender was a definite ingredient in my life and that though it did not define all of who I was, it set me apart
amongst those whom society refers to as ‘GAY’.

One day while visiting a local Barnes & Noble, I covertly perused the gay books and stumbled across the
mention of PFLAG.  My interest was piqued and I went online to discover what this was and eventually
reached out for help from the local group in my area.  A kind mother answered the phone the first time I
called and very warmly guided me to visit some churches in the area that might be able to help me along on
my journey.

My learning was just beginning at that point, but it was an encouragement to me to be able to grow in
acceptance of myself as God truly sees me.

During this time, I had been fortunate enough to land a good job with FedEx as a courier.  I came out to my
co-workers who became all the more accepting and helpful to me, aiding me in whatever way they could with
meals, housing and money.

So, I visited churches around where I lived that were openly gay affirming or accepting.
It was my first real opportunity to meet actual living, breathing gay people who were Christians as well.

The spirituality within me reached out in friendship to the spiritual consciousness of these people and in a
moment I knew that, even though they were Gay, we were all of one spirit.

I was invited to a pool party for a July Fourth celebration at a gay couple’s home, which turned out to be my
first time to really interact with openly gay people.  I shared my story with several of the people there and
was warmly welcomed and encouraged to just be myself and be strong in the confidence that God loved me
no matter what.  One of the older gentlemen there that day was a local church organist, who later became a
musical mentor to me when I joined a gay men’s chorus he directed.





Most importantly though, that pool party set into motion the events that would ultimately change my life for
the better in the years to come.

My home and contact with my family being gone, I was living somewhat precariously out in a new world of
many dangers and opportunities.  My job notified me of their plans to transfer me to another county,
necessitating a move to a new area.

One of the gay guys I had met at the pool party, invited me to stay with him for a short time until I could get
back on my feet in this new world of living.  This was a kind and gracious offer to me and I took him up on it,
as it was closer to my new work position and granted me the help I truly needed to start over in life.

When I first embraced the realization that I was interested in men and that I desired to understand that part
of me which I had so dutifully denied all my life, it was somewhat overwhelming and daunting to face on my
own. My new roommate became a close friend, mentor and the only family I really had, he and his partner
sacrificing time and talent to teach and help me grow in my new awareness of God’s love, and the fact that I
was okay in His sight.

They encouraged me to first accept myself for who I was and that I was valuable to God and others,
teaching me self-worth and value for the first time.  Previously, I had known a concept of worthlessness and
degradation for not truly being all I was taught God required me to be.

They encouraged me to go to church, even when I felt rejected by God as a sinner by the teachings of my
childhood.  They encouraged me that I was lovable and valuable even though my family and friends all
rejected me as ‘rebellious and out of God‘s will‘.

It was during this time that I really began to awaken to all that life had to offer, a lot of what I had missed out
on in life so far, and many things that I had never experienced before. I did go through a period of change
and experimentation through all of this, but soon began to sort out the things I truly wanted to include in my
life.




My job was going well in the new transferred location, I had a nice place to live, food to eat, clothes to wear,
and friends that loved me and accepted me for who I really was.

I was truly blessed and beginning to see that God’s hand was at work for good in my life, not condemnation.
My heart began to revive and healing started to repair the hurt in my spirit, teaching me to reconsider some
of the things I had lost in all the tumultuousness of coming out.

  • First, I felt the need to bring closure to the situation of my marriage and former life.

  • Second, I felt a new relationship needed to be made with my children.

  • Third, I saw the hope of having a long term relationship with a man who could identify with me as a
    possible goal and achievable end to reach for.

And finally, I began to believe in a future of faith and family for myself and those I love together someday.

Though I had striven for reconciliation on just about every possible angle to be thought of concerning my
marriage, it eventually came down to the finalization of being legally divorced.

In spite of some people’s efforts to bar me from having the rightful custody of my children, I chose that it
would be better to have a little contact with them rather than none.  Much legal process, indebtedness and
time went into accomplishing this goal, but I now have some partial legal custody and am able to share a
little in my children’s life.

Though I dated some different guys, I was very thankful to eventually find someone of similar background
and ideals to build a relationship with, for which I am currently thankful beyond words. There were not many
likely candidates amongst the gay guys I knew, especially ones that might be interested in going to a
cappella hymn sings and Anabaptist or Quaker Meetings.  So, I feel very blessed to have a boyfriend to
share my life with who can be comfortable with some of my past and willing to share my journey into the
future.

I continue to grow with relating to and understanding modern religion, Christianity, and God, but I have faith
that things will work out for good.  In all fairness, though it seems that the cost may have been supremely
high for me to pay, I truly believe that the healthiest thing I have done in life was to just be openly honest
with myself and then with others.

Honesty certainly has a price, but it gives dividends of happiness and joy that overcome the pain of its cost.
Coming OUT
Joey Stalnaker
February 7, 2011
Part I
Part II
Part III
Part IV
Part V
"After serving as an
Assistant Pastor at my
father’s Baptist church in
Ohio and preparing to be a
missionary to Scotland, I
resigned all that and . . . "
Excerpt from Part I
"Though I dated some
different guys, I was very
thankful to eventually find
someone of similar
background and ideals to
build a relationship with,
for which I am currently
thankful beyond words."
Excerpt from Part V
"They encouraged me to
first accept myself for
who I was and that I was
valuable to God and
others, teaching me
self-worth and value for
the first time.
Previously, all I had ever
known was a concept of
worthlessness and
degradation for not truly
being all I thought God
required me to be"
Excerpt from Part IV
"Somehow, there was new
found strength and focus
once I admitted that my
physical attraction to the
same gender was a
definite ingredient in my
life and that though it did
not define all of who I was,
it set me apart amongst
those whom society refers
to as ‘GAY’."
Excerpt from Part III
"At the age of 35, I put a
stop to the dishonesty for
myself and others and
became openly honest
about who and what I
really was, sharing
personally in confidence
with one of my ministering
Brethren and then with my
wife.

I was soon
excommunicated from the
Brethren and subsequently
separated from my wife
and children, and this
involved a total change in
livelihood and lifestyle."
Excerpt from Part II
Above: November 6, 2011; Jose
Ortiz (left) with his husband Steve
Parelli (right), both of Other
Sheep, hold a picture (seen at
right) of Joey and his partner
Forrest.  The picture is displayed
on the wall of the Allentown, PA,
MCC church - Metropolitan
Community Church of the Leigh
Valley - and is the work of the
Pennsylvania Diversity Network
(PDN).  Their picture is part of the
PDN National Award Winning
Photo Project of 700 same-sex
couples living in Pennsylvania
Above Photo:  Joey Stalnaker with his
partner Forrest Moyer
This web page was created and published on December 10, 2011. Bronx, NY.
Visits to this web page since December 10, 2011.
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